My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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