I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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