Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
