I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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