Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am mentally ready for anal.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
