Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
