I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I love having hate sex.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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