wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
