Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
