He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
