3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
