it was like having sex with a tree stump
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
