Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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