I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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