she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
