I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
