I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
