Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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