People in love make me want to vomit
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
