Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
