I think i peed on brittanys purse
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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