in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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