There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
