And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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