I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize