You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize