It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
