I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
