I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
