Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
