By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
