Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
