he puts the penis in happiness.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
