R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize