I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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