Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
