So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
