are you still at the devil's house?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
