Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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