dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
