OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
