Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
