I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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