I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
