She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she peed on how many people?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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