My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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