I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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