I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
