I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize