so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
