I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
