Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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