Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
