yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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