Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
