Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm like, not good at living.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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