Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
