She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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