easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
