in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize