That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
