and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
