Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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