He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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