OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
