You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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