I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
