The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
