I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just cut my nipple shaving
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
