I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
