I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize