similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
