you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
