Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
