my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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