Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
