Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
