Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
