I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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