6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
40s are totally the cure
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
