I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm getting married
To pizza
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
