put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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