Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
