I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
