Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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