Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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