Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
