Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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