Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
