He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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