I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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