I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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