Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
